Day 39

I felt sick. How dare he dismiss me like that.

“Don’t call me darling,” I said through gritted teeth.

He laughed.

“Oh so it’s funny is it?” I was furious. “Listen you moron. The fact that you can’t see what you did was wrong, even now, is the problem. I know all about letting go Mick. I made my peace with this years ago. I’m not going to let the way you and your dickhead mate humiliated me mess up my whole life. It took me a long time. I was only 12 years old, I was shy, I looked different and I was awkward because of it – and you took advantage of that and tormented me about it right at the time I needed support and encouragement. I spent years trying to build my confidence in myself after that. All I saw was a short fat girl who no one liked and everyone laughed at. Can you imagine what it must have felt like to be that girl and to see her in the mirror every day? To try and find something to hold onto in there to make me believe that I was ok and that what other people saw wasn’t who I was?”

He obviously couldn’t.

“No one told me I was okay. Not once. Not ever. Other people, people that were supposed to be leaders, they saw and they heard and they said nothing. They didn’t stop you, they didn’t support me. No one wanted to know. They just kept on walking. You know what they say, the standard you walk past is the standard you accept? So the standard for the whole school was that it was okay to pick on people who were different. That was the culture. So other kids saw this and they didn’t say anything either. One of the girls in my grade – I saw her at a school reunion a couple of years ago – she said that no one thought I was upset. They all thought I liked it. Everyone thought I liked being teased for having big boobs, for being picked on because I was awkward and for being made to feel like a complete loser. Even you did. You just said so yourself.”

“No one saw me cry myself to sleep. No one read what I wrote in my diary about how much I hated it there, how noone liked me and how I hated every single person. How no one stood up for me. I was alone and lonely.”

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